Clarity is the Greatest of all Gifts

 Several weeks ago, I was hurrying through stores trying to find the perfect flowers for Taylor's prom corsage.  I was striking out.  I begin to wonder why I didn't just order the corsage at the local florist but I thought of my own mother who spent hours making my everything perfect.  Just as I was pulling into what I hoped would be my last store a homeless man caught my eye.  I smiled and waved.  Sometimes traffic doesn't allow for much else.  This particiular day as I got out of my car, I was close enough to say hello and again make contact with the gentleman.  I proceeded into the store and found the perfect flowers for our project.  As I hurried out the store the man I saw earlier was now walking toward me.  I don't mind talking to people I don't know in a busy parking lot but I do feel much more comfortable if I'm in my car.  I got in my car, rolled down the window and engaged in conversation with this man.  I asked him if he was hungry.  He replied in the affirmative.  I asked if he was allergic to nuts because I had some granolla bars in my car that were very good.  His teethless grin indicated the nuts would be hard to chew.  He gratefully declined my offer.  I told him I was very embarassed because I didn't have any cash.  I only had about $.17 in my car.  I told him he could have it but that I felt bad I didn't have more.  He opened his very winkled, aged and clean hand.  I dumped all the change I had into his empty palm.  Over $100 worth of flowers and supplies accompanied me in the front seat.   He commented on the beauty of the flowers.  How I wished I had more money to share with him.  Then I remembered that one of the girls had put some cash in my wallet.  I found $5.00 and handed it to him.  He thanked me and hten asked me if I read the Bible. I told him I did.  He said, "in the Bible I read 1 Corinthians 13 says that CLARITY is the greatest gift."  I said, "we read the same Bible.  Mine says CHARITY too."  He said, "No, CLARITY!   It's CLARITY.  I didn't wnt to argue with him and it was clear he was firm on what he "knew" and read.  Our conversation continued about sharing and loving and living like Jesus.  We went on to talk about taxes and hardships, family and friends.  Time was quickly being swallowed up and I needed to get home to get these flowers done.  It was a couple of days before our schedule slowed down enough for me to process those 5 or so minutes with this stranger.  When it hit me, it hit me hard.  Of course, the greatest gift is CHARITY/LOVE and it's because CHARITY gives us CLARITY.  It allows us to see clearly.  It allows us to see who we are.  It allows us to see who others are.  The pure love of Jesus Christ is CLARITY!  Wow!  I'm so grateful for this message that was taught to me by a stranger who also happens to be one of my brothers in the family of Christ.  

Where are we now?

 There's no question 2020 has been a terrible year for our family in so many ways.  While I look back and try to look forward I feel like a little girl, at the top of the ladder that lined the Kiva in our backyard, afraid to look back in fear I might get off balance and fall backward on my head, afraid to climb completely off the ladder in fear that my leg will get caught and I'll get pulled back in.  Death, pain, heart ache, fear, uncertainty still have me wrapped around the axel.  We've done things this year, I didn't realize we had the strength to endure as a family but we've also done some things I've never imagined in my worst nightmare I would ever have to endure.  How do we move on? How do I move on?  We are still smack dab in the middle.  Where is the hope?  Where is faith?  What is hope?  What is faith?  Is this all mortality?  Is that all a test?  Is this really what we signed up for or did we even sign up?  Somedays, my mind is so cloudy I wonder if I'll ever sift though the thick fog and see light again.  And then the strange juxtiposition is that there is light.  There has been a lot of light. There is hope.  There has been a lot of hope.  There have been angels, so many angels.  Miracles, too many to count.  And yet with hope, surrounded by angels and in the middle of so many miracles, I hesitate to look back and I'm paralyzed, unable to move forward.  I hate that I have a memory of calling Tommy on July 22nd as a phone was placed to his ear on his nearly lifeless body as we said what we thought were our last words to him.  I'm wrecked by images of him in my mind of his body so weak and the pain and angish he's experienced and still experiencing.   That pain, that anguish, that heart break is undescribable and unbarable.  It's too much.  Countless miracles between the present and the past have come and our present is different and yet, the memories and the pain are still very real.  It's too much to take samples from your cheeks in hopes that something in your body can save your younger brother.  It's too much to wear a bracelet with the cancer color around your wrist.  It's to have strangers call who are so saddened by your brother's diagnosis.  It's too much to try to stay positive, faithful, hopeful.  It's too much to CRY out and to SCREAM prayers you never thought you'd pray.  It's all too much!  It's too much to realize that the strongest man you've ever known is on the brink of death.  It's too much to think of parents, siblings, a wife, three little darling daughters, neices and nephews without the man they love and need so much.  So much doesn't line up with the typical words we've been told our whole life.  I can't get there.  Will the pain just melt away gradually?  Is it here to stay?  We're eating now.  We're sleeping now.  The sound of Facebook Message notifications on my phone doesn't leave me completely gutted. But now what?  We wait.  We wait.  We wait.  Trying to decide to if it's ok to attempt to take one final step to the last prong on the ladder and get out of the hole.  And realizing that the hole is in my heart.  One thing I have no doubt about from past to present - we need Tommy's eyes.  We need Tommy's smile.  We need Tommy's strength. We need Tommy's way of making everything ok when the waves are crashing.  We need his hugs.  We need his kisses.  We need his gentle massages.  We need more time to learn lessons from his compassion.  Oh the hole and the ladder.  I think we'll all rest on the ladder for a while longer and I'm afraid the hole will always be there.  

Where is Peace is Found

The last three Mondays have brought upsetting news to our friends.  On Monday the 28th of January we found out that Matt and Amy Jackman's daughter Kylie had been rushed to the hospital because she was having a stroke.  Kylie is 16. She is a strong athlete.  She is healthy.  This shook their world.  Thankfully, through the course of MANY miracles, Kylie is home with her family and learning to rewalk and see.  One of my favorite stories about Kylie that has helped change me is that as Kylie was being wheeled into the ambulance and headed to Dallas Children's Hospital, she stopped the stretcher and called for her mom.  She told Amy she hadn't read her scriptures that night and asked Amy to read to her.  Amy was a little shocked by the request and sort of tried to encourage Kylie to just go ahead.  Kylie insisted.  She had made a commitment with Heavenly Father in 6th Grade that she wouldn't miss a day of scripture study and she hadn't missed a day.  She wasn't going to let this trial stand in the way of her promise to the Lord.

On the 4th of February, Taylor received a phone call from London Tegerdine that her brother, Joseph, had be diagnosed with bone cancer in his leg.

I don't know if I should be grateful or wish it was otherwise but my little heart has a hard time with these sorts of situations.

Monday, February 11th we thought we had missed any bad news.  That was until we received news that Doug Wright of the Melissa 2nd ward, father of 9 amazing children and husband to an incredible angel on earth Holli, was killed in a car accident.  The shock.  The anguish.  The burden.  The heartache.  It was too much.  I actually cried outloud, "Why? Heavenly Father, why?"  I'm still trying to process it all and the sad thing is, none of these things even affect me personally necessarily but they are so heavy and weigh so much.

It puts so many things into perspective when life is going along just fine and something like this happens.  My prayer is that I will take these tragedies and learn from them.  That I will be changed because surely the families have no choice but to be changed.  And, oh how I pray for these good families.  They are already so good and so kind and so humble and so everything else.

I find solace in these words:

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings ceaseMy Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live, I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

I will stand
I will stand, all other ground is sinking sand
All other ground, all other ground
Is sinking sand, is sinking sand
So I'll stand

We've had such a great and busy couple of weeks.  On January 10 we took all the youth that wanted to the temple.  It was the first time for many of the young men and young women.  We were able to get 133 names done in 90 minutes.  130 of the names belonged to the youth.  They were family names they found.  It's such a gift to work so closely with the youth and to love them so much.  

Hallie participated in the Pep Rally at school. She's so brave.  I love that she has come out of her shell and it able to be so heavily involved.  She's made quite a name for herself.  This little rap her Student Council did for the School Board was quite hilarious.  

 After reading and studying an article about the different challenges President Nelson has given us as Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, it said the most under utilized or discovered was the invitation to read and study the Relief Society Declaration and the Mission Statement.  Then it suggested we make our own mission statement.  I decided I liked the Relief Society one so much I'd just copy it.  After all, these are the things I'm striving most to become... Faithful, Virtuous, full of Vision and Charity.  I loved pondering these words and their meaning.

 Tommy came to town.  He's running the Houston Marathon.  Siblings are such a special gift of friendship and love.  Aaron, Rachel and Tommy came for dinner one night and then I spent the day with the boys the next day.  It was the perfect day.  We just visited on the couch and ate delicious food.  Each of us is very different and we each learn so much from each other and love each other something fierce.  I'm so impressed with the drive and ambition that both Aaron and Tommy have.  They make my life happy!

 We had such a great visit with Josh and Kirsten and Luke this week as well.  I felt bad it was so cold in Texas (We even got snow) that we didn't do much outside of our house but we did have a ton of fun playing games and visiting.  We ate tons of delicious food.  I'm starting to recognize a theme about Texas.  Visit and Eat... that's about it folks!  We had a great time on Friday night on a little date night with Josh and Kirsten.  We went Country Dancing.  We had a little two step lesson and then could dance until the bar crowd got a little rowdy.  I hope we go back for more dancing.  It was sure fun.  I've decided I'd really love to be a cowgirl!

My poor little Taylor girl is growing up and having a hard time this week.  It think hormones in this house are exploding and she's really trying to separate herself a bit.  I hope I give her the space she needs and wants but also love her so deeply she knows I'm a safe place.  She's such a good girl.  It breaks my heart to see her hurting.  

New Beginnings

This is a year of new beginnings, a year of letting go of the old that needs to go and embracing the beautiful things around us and then starting fresh.  I love this time of year.  I love to recharge and reset.

This year has been particularly fun because of so many exciting things happening for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  It's exciting to work so closely with the youth. It's exciting to have a prophet who is excited to receive revelation and let go of some things in the past and embrace the pure and simple truths of the gospel.

Life generally is very good. I'm beginning to love our home.  I love the people in Texas but my heart still aches for so many in Oregon.  I will say though, that so many people have moved from Oregon that if we were still there, I think I'd be pretty sad at how people have moved away.

Last week was a good week. I felt like we had some time to slow down and transition back into our normal life after our break which was awesome.  Monday, Evelyn had gymnastics which she absolutely loves.  She's very good at everything she's learning. I love that she's so happy while she's there and practicing at home.  Hallie had VB practice.  The two little girls and I started watching Anne with and E which is a darling little show that's a spin off of Anne of Green Gables.  Hallie had volleyball practice.  She's such an incredible athlete.  It's amazing watching her pick up new sports so quickly.  Taylor has been doing tons of babysitting this week.  She babysits very regularly for the Rich family in the other ward.  She's really grown fond of them.  Rendell is sick.  He's been sick for about 2 weeks with a yucky cold.  That type of sickness hits him hard.  McKenzie has had some fun soccer games to watch. Her little team just gets better and better all the time.

On Thursday, January 10th we took the youth to the temple as a ward.  They did 133 temple baptisms.  130 of the names were family file names.  We had 31 Young Men and Young Women there.  They were so reverent and respectful while we were there.  While this ward hasn't been an easy landing for me, I feel like I've really come to love and be thankful for so much that has come from this ward.  The young people are teachable.  That is very refreshing.

Friday, Taylor was able to cheer at the JV Boys game.  They are a decent team so it was fun to watch the boys play.  After the game we came home and at the request of the kids had a little movie night.  We watched "Swiss Family Robinson."  Evelyn had never seen it.  It was nice to all be together.  We used to really enjoy family movie nights on Friday nights.  I'm happy the kids are wanting to do them again.

Saturday McKenzie spent the day with her amazing teacher Kathy Black.  Kathy has breast cancer and is still pretty sick but McKenzie and her really bonded last year.  We had a brief lunch with her at Maria's and then Kenzie and Kathy went and had mani pedis.  This woman is incredible.  She has gone above and beyond and we are so thankful.

Taylor invited kids from all over the Stake over for dinner and a little predance party.  It's so fun that she's got friends from all over.  I love that they gather and then go together to these dances.  I hope this group stays together and strong for a very long time.  They will love their time at the BYUs if they continue these incredible friendships.  Hallie opted out of the dance for a babysitting gig.  I can't say I blame her.  She babysat for the Burminghams and they pay $20-$25 an hour so its a nice thing when she can go babysit for them.

Church was officially 2 hours on Sunday!  It was amazing.  Rather than being about endurance, it was about edification.  I loved it.  Sacrament Meeting was so good.  Hallie spoke.  Here is her talk.

"2 Nephi 2:27   Wherefore, men are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death.

Heavenly Father has given us agency, the ability to choose right from wrong and to act for ourselves. Next to the giving us life, the right to make our own decisions is one of God’s greatest gifts.  While we are here on earth, we are being tested to see if we will use our agency to show our love for God by keeping His commandments. The Holy Ghost guides us and helps us to make good choices. 

We are responsible for the choices we make.

For the Strength of youth encourages us to “have the moral courage to stand firm in obeying God’s will, even if you have to stand alone. As you do this, you set an example for others to follow…

While you are free to choose your course of action, you are not free to choose the consequences. Whether for good or bad, consequences follow as a natural result of the choices you make. Some sinful behavior may bring temporary, worldly pleasure, but such choices delay your progress and lead to heartache and misery. Righteous choices lead to lasting happiness and eternal life. Remember, true freedom comes from using your agency to choose obedience; loss of freedom comes from choosing disobedience.”

I would like to share a personal experience about agency and accountability.

As I have spoken about before, I play soccer on a pretty good team.  A few months ago, I had a tough decision to make.  At the end of our season, we were invited to play in what is called the Tournament of Champions.  We were expected to do alright but no one had any expectation that we would play more than 2 or 3 games before we were eliminated.  We played a lot of games over the weekend and we kept winning the games.  We won to the point that on Saturday night we realized we would be playing in the semifinal game on Sunday morning.  We were super excited as a team to have done so well but then we realized that we were the first team from McKinney to make it that far in this tournament since 1982 and we were the first girls team from McKinney to ever make it that far in the tournament we were even more EXCITED!  The excitement was suddenly replaced with major disappointment because we realized I wouldn’t be playing in the game because it was on Sunday.

Typically my coach has told me that if I showed up for a Sunday game he wouldn’t play me because he knew my parents wanted me to be at church with our family.  This time however, he said that if I came to the game he would for sure play me.  I had a tough decision to make.  I cried, I prayed, I talked to my parents and to some teammates.  Eventually, I decided not to play in the early morning Sunday game. 

I thought I was ok with my decision until we won that game and were going to the finals.  Our team has won lots of games and gone to lots of final games and done well in lots of tournaments but this was a HUGE deal for our team. 

This time when the decision for me to make a choice as to whether or not I should play in the final game on Sunday (just a few hours after the semifinal game I had decided not to play in) the choice was much harder to make.  It got to the point that I reached out to my siblings, parents, grandparents and aunts and uncles and my YW leaders to pray for me because I didn’t think I would have the strength to say no and stick with it.  I felt very torn.  After a lot of thinking and deliberating, I decided not to play in the game.  I wish I could tell you that my choice to not play in the game led my team to victory and that we won the tournament.  Well, that’s not what happened.  Instead, our team tied with the other team and we went into double overtime.  I play goalie or keeper and we lost by a simple mistake in the goal.  As much as I was devastated that my team didn’t win and as much as I would have liked to have been with my teammates when they received their medals for 2^nd place achievement, looking back, I am thankful I chose not to play on Sunday.  I kept telling myself that if I chose to play in this tournament, on this particular Sunday my team would ask me to play in every game on Sunday for the rest of the time I play with them.  Right now, they respect my decision to be at church and at home with my family on Sunday instead of at games. 

I’m glad we have agency.  I’m also glad that a few years ago we memorized this quote from President Monson, “May we ever choose the harder right instead of the easier wrong.”    In the name of Jesus Christ, amen."

She did so great.  All the Young Men and Young Women sang "Peace in Christ."  The Spirit was tangible.  The bishopric was crying, parents were crying.  I think they even surprised themselves.  The Bishop took the remainder of the time.  His talk was good too. 

We went right to Young Women and it was strange not all meeting together (I'm not sure how I feel about that yet) but it was so nice to have the girls fresh from Sacrament Meeting that was only an hour.  They were ready to learn and we had a great lesson.

We enjoyed naps and our Family Come Follow Me about Jesus as a child when we returned from church.  These Sundays are glorious.

Flat Stanley

4-4-16

Dear Mrs. Brous 2^nd Grade Class,

Greetings from Melissa, Texas! 

I have been enjoying having Flat Stanley in my home for several months.  I live in Melissa, Texas.  Melissa, Texas is 30 miles North of Dallas, Texas.  Texas the 2^nd largest state in the United States so it has taken me a while to show Flat Stanley around. 

We went to the 6^th Floor Museum in Dallas where President John F. Kennedy’s life is remembered.  He was a good President to the United States and it was a great loss for our country when he died. 

We travelled to Houston to the NASA Space Center.  I enjoyed showing Flat Stanley several different rockets and space ships.  We also saw the ocean on this same trip. The ocean in Texas is very blue and warm. 

We went to Waco, Texas, the home of HGTV’s series FIXER UPPER, and the home of Chip and Joanna Gaines.  We even visited the famous Magnolia Market. 

Flat Stanley saw the Texas State Capital Building in Austin.  Austin is referred to as Portland’s sister city.  The cities are very similar. There are a lot of food carts, art and a variety of businesses and people.

Texas is also known for it’s BBQ and fried food.  Flat Stanley has gone with us while we have eaten a lot of brisket and ribs, fried okra, fried pickles, corn bread and baked beans.

Would you believe it is so warm in Texas that on Christmas Eve Flat Stanley even got to go four wheeling with no jacket on! 

Flat Stanley had a great trip to Texas!  The people in Texas are very friendly, they love sports, especially football and of course rodeo.  There are a lot of bugs in Texas like fire ants and tiny itchy bugs called chiggers. Luckily Flat Stanley wasn’t bit by either!

I hope you enjoyed reading about our adventures in Texas and seeing some of our pictures.  I hope you have a great rest of your school year and enjoy your summer break.

Love,

McKenzie Hendrickson

 

4/4/16

Today was a rainy day.  Cali Tenney came over and we made strawberry jam, watched Fuller House, played games, did tons of crafts and enjoyed just being home!